Contest #171

"They're seasonally popular - synchronized high-kick gams."

Here's what The New Yorker picked:

1. "I'd suggest you keep them away from the gingerbread men."
   Submitted by Vincent Coca, Staten Island, N.Y.
   
2. "It's not disturbing until someone wants to buy them by the ounce."
   Submitted by Steve Arrowood, Oceanside, Calif.
   
3. "I did the choreography myself."
   Submitted by Donovan Reeve, Ypsilanti, Mich.

(jk: I'm sorry, but I disagree!)

Contest #170

"I decided to cash in my 401(k) while it was still worth something."

Here's what The New Yorker picked:

1. "I miss the cash bonuses."
   Submitted by Robert Becker of Northford, CT
   
2. "I am useless until I have my morning turkey."
   Submitted by Corey Lowney of Wappingers Falls, NY
   
3. "I was actually hoping for a boy."
   Submitted by Antonia Boyette of Los Angeles, CA

Contest #169

"I'm so into flying Southwest."

Here's what The New Yorker picked:

1. "What makes you think I wouldn't be up for sushi?"
   Submitted by Neal Svalstad, El Cajon, Calif.
   
2. "Remember the Alamo—now, that was a foreclosure!"
   Submitted by David Blume, New York, N.Y.
   
3. "I can't say for sure, but I think the airline mixed up my luggage."
   Submitted by Mark Ashton, Elmhurst, Ill.

Contest #168