Contest #170

"I decided to cash in my 401(k) while it was still worth something."

Here's what The New Yorker picked:

1. "I miss the cash bonuses."
   Submitted by Robert Becker of Northford, CT
   
2. "I am useless until I have my morning turkey."
   Submitted by Corey Lowney of Wappingers Falls, NY
   
3. "I was actually hoping for a boy."
   Submitted by Antonia Boyette of Los Angeles, CA