Contest #174

"Don't you sometimes just want to sleep in?"

Here's what The New Yorker selected:
1. "I want to live at my dad's."
   Submitted by Sean Delaney of Stanardsville, VA
   
2. "No, thanks—I only eat them on reality shows."
   Submitted by Sean Lee of Brooklyn, NY
   
3. "Am I in your dream or are you in mine?"
   Submitted by Joe Sherlock of Omaha, NE

Contest #173

"Competence. Bah, humbug !

Here's what The New Yorker selected:
1. "Who would have thought they'd actually give money to a bank!"
   Submitted by Michael Jensen of New Rochelle, N.Y.
   
2. "At the next bailout, let's also ask for a pony."
   Submitted by Lynn Tudor of New York, N.Y.
   
3. "Did you send your thank-you card to Congress?"
   Submitted by Harvey Kaslow of Pasadena, Calif.