One man's quest for his fifteen minutes of fame - The New Yorker cartoon caption contest...

Each week, the New Yorker provides a cartoon in need of a caption. You, the reader, submit your caption, they choose three finalists, and you vote for your favorite. Any U.S. resident age eighteen or older can enter.

Enter the caption contest here.

Contest #426

Mom said you were her Pete Something-Or-Other back in the day. Who?

Contest #413

"I did not realize how pervasive this delayed-retirement phenomenon has become."

Contest #406

"Thanks for coming on such short notice, 
but I'm expecting company any minute."

Contest #405...

"Yes, Ma'am, it is a big f..king turkey."

Contest #378

Long story.  Got drunk, punched a magician...

Contest #347

"He comes free with our internet security subscription."

Contest #344

"One last thing, please tell Mayor Bloomberg to hold his ground on big soda - it's important."

Contest #343

"Lady, I've heard two millennia of excuses."

Contest #342

"We lost Jeremy Lin."

The piggy at the complaint department is back. The New Yorker is republishing the cartoon featured—and mocked—in the 1998 Seinfeld episode, "The Cartoon." The magazine is asking readers for their ideas in this week's cartoon caption contest. In the episode from 14 years ago, Elaine gripes that the New Yorker cartoons make no sense, and submits a simpler one of her own that the magazine publishes. The joke is on her when it later turns out Elaine has accidentally plagiarized a Ziggy cartoon. Read More

Contest #340

Contest #339

"I love my job, but the commute from Stamford is a bitch."

Contest #318...

What lame-brain scheme have you hatched this time, you dumb cluck!

Contest #317...

Contest #316

This place was like heaven before The Cloud!

Contest #315

"And to think I was such a fan of his frozen brussel sprouts."

Contest #314

"Things aren't so super these days."

Contest #313

I lost a sale and half my mustache because I 'unliked' them on Facebook.

Contest #300

Contest#298

"I was skeptical, Pierre, but you do turn a nifty double Cassoulet."

Contest #291

So, I heard he caught you sexting his mistress.

Contest #290

And this chart tracks your moral profit & loss.

Contest #267

"Got anything that floats like a butterfly?"

Contest #265

They'd like to substitute a Hemy for the baked potato.

Contest #264

"Subtlety, Edna, I so miss it."

Contest #263

"I'd rather have Lionel Richie dancing down here, if you don't mind."

Contest #254

"I dunno, I guess I'll play among the stars."

Contest #250

"Hey, how cool is this!"

Contest #236

"Well, this morning you're the egg man.  Two over easy and make it snappy."

Contest #234

"I'm famished, too, Girl. Up for some lunch?"

Contest #222

"It's a bit late now to decide you're a leg man."

Contest #221

FAMILY CHRISTMAS PROJECT
"I didn't know your sister was a cellist!"
"What goes on in the kitchen, stays ...."
"She used to play at the Russian Tea Room."
"YoYo Ma cancelled at the last minute, but Mary stepped in."
"Do we need to tip her out?"
"I've said for years the song works better in 'D' Minor."
"WTF?"
"It's a fish reunion gig."
"Oh my, the drama of the daily catch."
"Is all of Europe like this?"
"Duck, Duck, Goose was always my favorite."
"Culinary artists, creative juices flowing, with nude cello."
"That catch of the day can be a wild ride."

Contest #220

"Clever indeed, but I'm still ordering the enema."

Contest #219

"There be a whole lotta shakin' goin' on, Sir."

Contest #218

The New Yorker picked:

1. "So you're the infamous Sudsy Malone."
   Submitted by Dave Barber, Columbus, Ohio
   
2. "Couldn't you just have had a last-meal request like everyone else?"
   Submitted by William Babula, Santa Rosa, Calif.
   
3. "It says Martha Stewart once lived here."
   Submitted by Laurence Lytton, New York, N.Y.

Contest #217

"Look, I've embraced your stay-cation concept."

The New Yorker picked:

1. "Don't worry, I ate lunch more than an hour ago."
   Submitted by Michael Cianfrani, San Francisco, Calif.
   
2. "My wife won't let me put one in the back yard."
   Submitted by Claude Lempereur, Levittown, N.Y.
   
3. "Make yourself useful—fake some Russian and hold up a 9.9."
   Submitted by Christopher Rulff, St. Paul, Minn.

Contest #216

"Sorry, I couldn't tell exactly what you were dreaming about."

Contest #215

"And, finally, may I remind you... no biting, hitting below the belt, or stepping on me."

The New Yorker picked:

1. "And, in this corner, also hailing from Chernobyl..."
   Submitted by Tim Herbert, Plainfield, N.H.
   
2. "Very funny. Now give me the microphone."
   Submitted by Lawrence Wood, Chicago, Ill.
   
3. "But, first, a word on foot odor."
   Submitted by Mike Egan, Syracuse, N.Y.

Contest #214

"You want to know about snow days?"
"Frankly, you're not head AND shoulders above your competition."

The New Yorker picked:

1. "I'm afraid we need to make more cuts."
   Submitted by David Kessler, New York, N.Y.
   
2. "Please use a coaster."
   Submitted by James Mulcahy, Thunder Bay, Ont.
   
3. "I'm sorry I couldn't get more for you in the divorce settlement."
   Submitted by Rick Kaufman, Dover, N.H.

Contest #213

"I'm not loving your topic sentence."

The New Yorker picked:

1. "They ignored your first ten. What makes you think you'll do any better with these?"
   Submitted by Bob Silverstein, Scarsdale, N.Y.
   
2. "Dear ... diary ... She's ... finally ... asleep.... Oops."
   Submitted by William DiDio, White Plains, N.Y.
   
3. "It needs a feisty female detective."
   Submitted by Lee Neville, Niagara Falls, N.Y.

Contest #209

"So I sez to the guy, go ahead, how deep can it be!"

The New Yorker picked:

1. "Don't worry, he's covered by Aflac."
   Submitted by Grant Tate, Charlottesville, Va.
   
2. “Thank God, Fashion Week is over.”
   Submitted by Dan Leciejewski, Walton, Ky.
   
3. "We all deal with divorce in our own way."
   Submitted by Tom Horacek, Richmond, B.C.

Contest #208

"But I thought you said either oar!"

The New Yorker picked:

1. “American car companies just can't make a decent hybrid.”
   Submitted by Eric Prestemon, Sunnyvale, Calif.
   
2. “This would work out a lot better if we had kids.”
   Submitted by Michael Fossel, Hartford, Conn.
   
3. “You know, everyone laughed at Noah, too.”
   Submitted by Rachel Pleasant Chambliss, Lakeland, Fla.

Contest #201

"My office is like the weather, so don't storm in here."

Contest #200

"I think he's seriously pissed at you."

The New Yorker picked:

1. "Sir, the competition is here to discuss the merger."
   Submitted by Tom Alburn, Wrightsville, Pa.
   
2. "Oh, yeah, we go way back."
   Submitted by Patricia Radosevich-Coia, Reno, Nev.
   
3. "He says he is known by many names."
   Submitted by George Nikas, Avondale Estates, Ga.

Contest #198

"Don't you think we should pick up dames later?"

The New Yorker picked:

1. "That’s smart, Eddie. The first place cops look is in the trunk.”
   Submitted by David Wilkner, Pawtucket, R.I.
   
2. "The instructions should have mentioned that you need a body of water.”
   Submitted by Peter Bleyleben, Chestnut Hill, Mass.
   
3. "What do you mean you don't remember? Either he sleeps with the fishes or he don't."
   Submitted by Tim Wibert, Okemos, Mich.

Contest #196

"They're recent graduates of the Wharton School."

The New Yorker picked

1. “O.K., let's slowly lower in the grant money.”
   Submitted by Todd Bearson, Arlington, Mass.
   
2. “The research is conclusive—mice are even cuter when you dress them up in little coats.”
   Submitted by Brad Hodges, Dungannon, Ontario
   
3. “Relax, for them it's publish and perish.”
   Submitted by David Burns, Needham, Mass.

Contest #193

"I, unlike you, have never been on this end before."

Contest #192

"I'm SO excited to guest as your bimbo foil tonight!

Contest #190

Contest #189

"You should not drive or operate heavy machinery."